Nothing. Empty. Sad. Vacuum. This is me. I feel nothing. Everywhere I go, everywhere I look, everything I touch, everything I taste, everything I smell doesn't mean anything.
Nothing new around me. No excitation, no spontaneous happiness. I feel myself, my surroundings all so dramatic, painful without pain. Meaningless.
I find it hard to contact, express with other people. People that I know that will drink from my mood when in contact, directly or indirectly, hiding or exposing it.
This mood that pushes me down, under my conscientiousness control. This mood that seduces me to denial. I feel like avoiding life. Avoiding all the doors and windows that may open.
As I walk in this garden watching life and people I can't even feel envy. I am a dead body with a suspended mind and soul. I see people smiling and yelling, forcing my brain to present me my own memories. I don't have the strength to cry as even the worst feelings come empty, meaningless just as all the others.
I am stuck and my mood forces me to keep stuck in my dramatic world, reality.
So I face this man. Considering my society standards I can easily consider him homeless. His face is old, wasted. I can see his tears path to hit the ground, only the big, dirt beard hides the drop. Although his face is strong. Reminds me a conqueror face, every trace is defined with such strength I could guess he could face any life trap. A face that doesn't fit on that body. Thin, weak, holding some scraps to face the cold nights. He looks hurt on one of his arms, he misses part of his shirt on that arm, even far away I can see his wound.
So I smile. I don't feel pity. I don't help him or talk to him. As I stand up, walk to him, get on my knees, lift my hand and touch his left shoulder. As I am looking at him deep into his eyes. As I could guess a long, strong and hard life, few could handle it. As I want to encourage him I draw a closed smile, confident. Like I could live not to help him but everyone who deserves a second chance.
As I am leaving my own reality and facing the reality I left. Left with a promise.
Again I smile and say to myself: "Finally I understand the water taste."
Nothing new around me. No excitation, no spontaneous happiness. I feel myself, my surroundings all so dramatic, painful without pain. Meaningless.
I find it hard to contact, express with other people. People that I know that will drink from my mood when in contact, directly or indirectly, hiding or exposing it.
This mood that pushes me down, under my conscientiousness control. This mood that seduces me to denial. I feel like avoiding life. Avoiding all the doors and windows that may open.
As I walk in this garden watching life and people I can't even feel envy. I am a dead body with a suspended mind and soul. I see people smiling and yelling, forcing my brain to present me my own memories. I don't have the strength to cry as even the worst feelings come empty, meaningless just as all the others.
I am stuck and my mood forces me to keep stuck in my dramatic world, reality.
So I face this man. Considering my society standards I can easily consider him homeless. His face is old, wasted. I can see his tears path to hit the ground, only the big, dirt beard hides the drop. Although his face is strong. Reminds me a conqueror face, every trace is defined with such strength I could guess he could face any life trap. A face that doesn't fit on that body. Thin, weak, holding some scraps to face the cold nights. He looks hurt on one of his arms, he misses part of his shirt on that arm, even far away I can see his wound.
So I smile. I don't feel pity. I don't help him or talk to him. As I stand up, walk to him, get on my knees, lift my hand and touch his left shoulder. As I am looking at him deep into his eyes. As I could guess a long, strong and hard life, few could handle it. As I want to encourage him I draw a closed smile, confident. Like I could live not to help him but everyone who deserves a second chance.
As I am leaving my own reality and facing the reality I left. Left with a promise.
Again I smile and say to myself: "Finally I understand the water taste."
No comments:
Post a Comment